Chelsea Wakefield

MOTHER TERESA’S CREED

Chelsea — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:26:49 +0000

MOTHER TERESA’S CREED

On Living Your Calling

The words below were supposedly written on the wall of Mother Teresa’s home for children in Calcutta, India, and are widely attributed to her. They seem to be based on a composition originally written by Kent Keith in 1969, but the second half has been re-written with a more spiritual outlook.

We all have motivations for the things we do in life. They are both light and dark. We do things to seek approval or admiration, to avoid punishment, shaming, or criticism. We do things to get someone to love us, to keep someone around, out of guilt and obligation. We do things to make a living, to survive, to be safe, to protect those we love, to garner power, to advance our status, to compete, to prove something, for attention, for pleasure, for revenge and for glory.

How fortunate we are in the times when we do something out of joy or love, because it calls to us, because it wells up from our deepest Self and is an expression of our Soul Print. There are things in life that we must do because if we did not, we would not be living the life we were born to live, our calling, and our destiny.

In the times when we pay a price for doing what we feel most deeply called to do, when the work is hard and unrewarding, when others criticize or misunderstand us, these words may be of comfort.

Mother Teresa’s Creed

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

Thriving Relationships

Chelsea — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 05:16:29 +0000

Family therapist John Gottman, a professor at the University of Washington, has spent his life researching successful couples and the principles and practices that makes marriages work. His research shows with 90% accuracy which couples will survive and which will not. In couples whose relationships actually improve over the years, he has identified the following practices that lead to thriving relationships. These simple practices take a total of about five hours a week. In a world full of uncertainty, this is not much to ask to maintain a meaningful love relationship.

PARTINGS. Before these couples say goodbye each morning, they find out one thing that each is going to do that day (2 minutes x 5 days = 10 minutes a week).

REUNIONS. At the end of the day, the partners have a low-stress reunion conversation. (20 minutes x 5 days = 1 hour, 40 minutes a week).

AFFECTION. Touching, playful grabbing, holding and kissing- laced with tenderness. (5 minutes x 7 days = 35 minutes a week).

ONE WEEKLY DATE. Just the two of you, in a relaxed atmosphere, for pleasure and connection, not devoted to administration or problem solving. (2 hours a week).

ADMIRATION AND APPRECIATION. Every day, genuine appreciation is given at least once. Validation and acknowledgement is given for meaningful “wins” in the partner’s life and for qualities that you appreciate and admire. (5 minutes x 7 days = 35 minutes).

These are simple practices that anyone can do that will strengthen the bonds of love in our lives!

The Invitation

Chelsea — Sun, 22 May 2011 02:08:01 +0000

The Invitation

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Film Revue: “Who Does She Think She Is?”

Chelsea — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 18:35:00 +0000

WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?
Here is a documentary film recommendation for any woman who has wrestled with staying connected to her personal creative fire while trying to fulfill the roles and responsibilities of being a mother. How we balance these two intense loves, both of which compete for our time and attention, is an ongoing struggle. Who Does She Think She Is tells the story of five women who are trying to be both serious artists and devoted mothers. It looks at their struggle in a very honest and profound way. The stories are inspiring and heart wrenching. The artwork is amazing.

We need to remember that almost all of the great men of history had women cooking for them, doing their laundry, running their errands, making love to them and mothering the children born from that love. The women in their lives relinquished their own intellectual and creative endeavors to make it possible for those men to have uninterrupted time to organize great thoughts and creative profound works of art. Some of them, as Femme Inspiritrices may have inspired the paintings, musical compositions or poems, but they did not paint, compose or write themselves. This is not to say that inspiring a man to greatness is a small thing, or that cooking or homemaking or raising children is not creative. However, many of these women had larger works of creativity in them, that were never realized because their lives were devoted to caretaking. I have seen more than one woman relinquish her creative or intellectual brilliance because it threatened or diverted attention from the man she loved and she was afraid she might lose him. The women in this film inspire us as they struggle with all of that. They do not take it lightly. Tears are shed as they courageously carry on.

Today, women are trailblazing through a terrain where there are no paths. As the woman in the film says, we are often alone in our pursuit, we can hear the howling of the wolves, but for those of us who are creative, we know we must create or shrivel up and die….our inner flame will simply go out. We talk about the Inner Flame a lot in the Luminous Woman Weekends www.chelseawakefield.com. Honoring and protecting that place of personal passion, that thing in life that lights you up and makes you alive. I was recently with Gina Ogden, who was taking us on a drumming journey to meet the “Keeper of the Flame” who would reveal to us what we needed to nurture our creativity and keep our inner fire burning. Women making art and supporting other women’s art is important, whether it be writing, poetry, painting, weaving, composing, film making, photography, cooking, acting, dancing, producing. Check out the film: http://www.whodoesshethinksheis.net

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The Circle

Chelsea — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 23:46:51 +0000

Here is a wonderful poem written by Sandy Brown and posted with her permission. Sandy is a member of a women’s circles in my life which carried me through a time of significant transition. This circle was started by Sandra Smith through www.alchemyworksevents.com . Sandra has created a lot of events over the years for women to gather and share deeply.

The Circle

by Sandy Brown, March 2010

We sit in the timeless shape of a circle

Each woman able to see all the others

By turning an eye, a slight shift of the head

This way or that

But seeing is not our purpose here

It is listening that we have come

To give, one to the other,

An open ear and open heart

The early stories, like new wine,

Flow easily from mouth to ear

Only hinting of the flavors

That the passage of time can produce

But now we sit planted deep

And our stories, like old wine,

Mature, deep, complex

Too heavy for light conversation

Must be sipped, considered and savored

We women of the circle, of the stories,

Are ourselves an aged varietal

Ripened under one sun in scattered soils

Blended together, turned and tended,

Creating a nourishing elixir of exquisite flavor

The Importance of Women’s Circles

Chelsea — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 00:28:34 +0000

The Importance of Women’s Circles
by Chelsea Wakefield

Painting by Molly Roberts

Over the past ten years, I have drawn great strength, courage and wisdom from being in women’s circles. In these circles of trust, I have been upheld, encouraged, challenged and given a port in the storm. I have clarified my passions, my purpose and defined my pathway. I have loved the egalitarian understanding that none of us have all the answers, but together we can share our light and find our way. In listening to many experiences and perspectives, I have learned new ways of being and seeing.

A GOOD WOMEN’S CIRCLE

A good women’s circle is a place where a woman can sort herself out, and speak her truth without having to justify it. She can bring possibilities not yet formed or speech ripe, things she is gestating. It is a place where she can be safe from questions like “Why would you want to do that?” or “How are you going to make that happen?” or “Who do you think you are?” These are questions people ask that women don’t always have answers for. Questions like these shut women down and short circuit their dreams. A good circle provides a womb for a woman’s fledging ideas. Because we often sacrifice our own potential to nurture and promote others, we need this protected space. Women often talk about what a good idea it is to take quiet time for ourselves. The world is constantly pressing in on us and the collective message is that accomplishing things is more important than finding a quiet center and listening to your own deep rhythms. When I am in a women’s circle, it insures that I honor my deep stirrings.

THE MILLIONTH CIRCLE- Jean Shinoda Bolen

My favorite book on women’s circles and how to form one is Jean Shinoda Bolen’s The Millionth Circle. It is a small treasure. You can read it in an afternoon. It will inspire you for a lifetime. The Millionth Circle provides many good ideas for how to start a circle, outlines important ground rules for how to make it successful, provides suggestions for content, and advice on what to do when a circle gets into trouble.

THE MORPHIC FIELD PHENOMENON

The grass roots movement of women’s circles is a quiet revolution. Bolen proposes that with each new circle, we move towards a critical mass where a paradigm shifts will occur, rippling out through the greater culture. This is based on the Morphic Field theory put forth by biologist Rupert Sheldrake. According to this theory, there is a tipping point that occurs when a critical number of members in a species change an attitude or behavior. Somehow it triggers a collective change in the larger culture. It seems the scientists are “proving” what Jung said a long time ago. We are impacted by both the personal and the collective unconscious in more ways than we can logically understand.

THE HUNDREDTH MONKEY

The Hundredth Monkey is a popular tale that illustrates this principle. In this story, a monkey on a tropical island begins to wash her sandy sweet potato in the sea before eating it and discovers she can enjoy a grit free meal. She shows this to her mother and playmates and they begin to do the same. The idea spreads and then suddenly, one day, every monkey on the island begins to wash their sweet potatoes in the sea. What fascinated the scientists observing this was that at the same time, on a nearby island that had no contact with the first, the monkeys also began to wash their sweet potatoes in the same way. This mysterious dynamic has been observed elsewhere and has come to be called the Morphic Field phenomenon.

FORMS

Women’s circles can take many forms. A “girl’s night out”, where a woman can relax and cut loose is good for any woman, but we are talking about something different here. The more intentional a circle, the greater its power. Sometimes these groups consist of old friends, who reunite every few months or years to maintain the continuity and depth that comes from having known one another over long passages of time. In my Luminous Woman circles, many of the women have never met before the initial group. They become fast friends over the course of a weekend and reunite joyfully at reunions. Circles like book study or craft groups can become havens of support. When a group has a spiritual or growth focus, good ground rules for how to be together are important. These include things like a commitment to confidentiality, defining how you want to share, respond and support each other, what boundaries you want honored, and being conscious of the compulsive need to “fix” others. Time to reflect in silence is powerful and important after someone shares something that is deeply moving. Listening and speaking from the heart instead of the head are important to creating a profound experience.

JOIN ONE- START ONE

Join a women’s circle. If you can’t find one, start one. Begin to talk about what really matters to you and watch what happens. Teach other women to do the same. The momentum is powerful. The mystery is life changing. You never know who will be forming that final circle that becomes the tipping point for everyone. It could be you.

Silent Nights are Holy Nights

Chelsea — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 17:36:24 +0000

We are heading into the season of insanity. A lot of my clients are sitting and discussing their feeling of sadness and dread at what lies ahead. I tell them that a lot of people hate the holidays and feel awful about it. The problem is that the pressure to overextend yourself is everywhere. You are supposed to smile and be full of holiday cheer while you are over spending, attending parties with people you don’t particularly like, consuming too much sugar and alcohol, gaining weight, and enduring torturous travel gauntlets to spend time with relatives that remind you of who you used to be that you would just as soon forget. Ho, Ho, Ho.

This year I recommend that you schedule at least two “silent nights” during the season to save your sanity. Do it now, in advance. Consider them a sacred time out and protect them. You don’t have to tell anyone what you are doing. They might consider a night off sacrilegious. So if someone asks, tell them you are already “booked” that night. You are. You are spending the evening with yourself and perhaps someone special that you really want to be with.

Don’t go out, don’t buy or bake one more thing, don’t address cards or wrap presents, just cozy up, chill and be still. First of all, turn the television off. Light a fire or some candles and curl up with a blanket and watch the flames. Have a simple meal, like soup. If you are alone, fill a bathtub and soak. If you are with a lover, give the gift of touch and presence. Later on, look out at the stars, the snow, and the night. Reflect. Be grateful for the gifts of your life, the ones that can’t be bought in stores. Let the chaos continue out there. Find an island of sanity and locate your quiet center. This is sacred time and in it you will find your peace on earth.

Great Advice for the Holidays

Chelsea — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 01:54:48 +0000

6 tips to enjoy a holiday feast with those relatives you have to see at least once a year

Debbie Mandel

Debbie Mandel is a stress management specialist, mind/body lecturer, and the author of Addicted to Stress: A Woman’s 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life , and the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York City. Debbie shares her top 6 tips for deflecting tense encounters at your next holiday gathering. Edit for another minutes

For many of us, the approaching holidays are accompanied by the onset of free-floating anxiety. Family and friends who normally prefer not to see each other, let alone sit around the dinner table, come together under the guise of good cheer–and inevitably, buttons get pushed. It’s stressful.

Holiday stress management means taking preventative measures. Here are some strategies I recommend.

Exercise beforehand to alleviate your anxiety and release feel-good chemistry
Take a walk or lift weights to lift your spirit. You will be mellower as well as more likely to respond rather than react to an insult or rude question. Remember, a good mood is contagious!

Come prepared with quips to disarm even the most toxic barb slinger
Humor is often a very effective response to rude queries, so rehearse a few jokes or anecdotes to recite. “I prefer being out of work, it lets me catch up on my spirituality.” “The few pounds I put on make me look curvaceous.”

Bring a popular magazine or photos for show and tell
The right props can be a be a very effective distraction when you need to redirect a conversation that has taken a venomous turn.

Turn the conversation around to the button-pusher as soon as you greet.
You will be deemed a good conversationalist when you let the narcissist do all the talking.

Liberally compliment the button pusher to set a positive and affirming tone.
You will be described as perceptive and intuitive.

Choose your battles
Family and friends carry old baggage that often locks them into playing a role. You might be 52, but to them you are still the little sister. Yes, it’s irritating, but for your own peace of mind, you can choose to see it as the flip side to all the wonderful history you share.

Gifts from Gisela

Chelsea — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 11:32:03 +0000

Gifts from Gisela

By Chelsea Wakefield

I just returned from a weekend retreat/training with the remarkable Gisela De Domenico, creator of Sand Tray World Play www.vision-quest.us. It was a training, so I learned a lot, but the weekend was really for me. It was good to be a participant rather than a leader this weekend. I rested into Gisela’s good teaching and the safe, expansive space she generates. Eight women gathered in the glorious Blue Ridge Mountains, with autumn ablaze around us, to enter the realm of story and archetype and the pathos of our lives.

Gisela reminded us that we live in a culture that seeks to avoid suffering. We want quick fixes, to feel better fast. We deny that the swamplands of existence are part of the terrain of life and that the gifts born of vulnerability and defeat are as important as those born of power and victory. Those who cannot bear unbearable sorrow are limited in their capacity to dream impossible dreams and embrace profound joy. And so this small group sifted through our collective and individual pain, celebrated life and re-created ourselves anew. I find that just being with Gisela, in her wise, gentle, playful essence expands my capacity to dance with life.

The leaves fluttering down at 4500 feet were a stunning gold this weekend. A time of letting go. The cycle of life continues whether we fight it or flow with it. We are shaped by every event and encounter. The meaning of those events changes over time. Our stories evolve as we do. The important thing in life is not to get stuck in any one interpretation, or favored story, or an identity that no longer serves us. In the barren places of life, it is hard to trust that life will ever be green again, but spring does come. Clinging to the past does not bring back what was once wonderful. It only obscures our capacity to see something unexpectedly wonderful coming to us in new ways. You have to trust that life always comes bearing gifts. Open your eyes and see the gifts at hand.

A lot of leaves let go of their limbs this weekend and as they fluttered down around me I felt myself releasing old hurts that have cluttered my heart and clouded my vision.… I created some worlds in the sand that allowed me to see how much wisdom and strength have come from experiences where I felt struck by the lightening of life and was forced to part with things that I desperately wanted to cling to. Sometimes it takes a while to see the gifts and feel the grace. Today I am grateful for all of it and I am reminded of the following poem.

The Lesson of the Falling Leaves

by Lucille Clifton

the leaves believe

such letting go is love

such love is faith

such faith is grace

such grace is God

I agree with the leaves

The Lesson of the Falling Leaves

Chelsea — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 09:29:28 +0000

The Lesson of the Falling Leaves

by Lucille Clifton

the leaves believe

such letting go is love

such love is faith

such faith is grace

such grace is God

I agree with the leaves

Gifts from Gisela »

Chelsea Wakefield

MOTHER TERESA’S CREED

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